Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Date Number Six: Therapy, anyone?

I'm way behind on writing, mostly because I've been busy dating, living, working, but also because I've been going through various emotional states. I've been depressed, then happy, then depressed again on this ka-razy roller coaster ride that is called dating in the big apple.

There's a whole barrelful of monkeys that I could say about "Jim" the therapist, but in the interest of keeping things short I'll say that he was a jerk and a half at the end, and I'm oh so glad our short spate of dating ended without too many hard feelings on either side. Still, I've been known to hold a grudge.

I met "Jim" online, again via Craigslist (damn, don't I ever learn?!?), after he responded to my original ad looking for some lovin', ie. a date. "Jim" and I talked, e-mailed, chatted, and became Facebook friends before we even met for the first time. He was nice, funny, and reliable (plus a point for calling when you say you're going to call). He was cute enough I suppose, though we had only seen photos of each other. We finally had a chance to meet one night and "Jim" wanted to grab some food so we met for dinner at Coppola's, an Italian restaurant in the Gramercy Park/Kips Bay area. We hit it off over dinner and afterward we crossed the street and went to Rodeo Bar for drinks. There was some band from Texas playing hoe-down music and I wanted to shake my thang, southern-style. "Jim" said he was a horrible dancer but a little coaxing finally got him off his rump and boogie-ing with me until I was laughing hysterically, because he was right. He was a horrible dancer. I am ethnic, after all, so I was forced to deduct two points for his godawful white-boy rhythm (but add three points for him being cool about it).

Suffice it to say that Jim and I seemed to like each other enough, and during the week he texted me more than I was used to and kept in contact often. It got a bit annoying when he would, say, text at midnight on a work day, but I appreciated his efforts at keeping in touch. (Minus half a point for giving off the creepy stalker vibe.) Still, he didn't seem like a psycho-killer or like a foot-licker (ewww... foot fetishes are gross) so when he invited me over to his place to watch Family Guy and order take-out, I happily agreed.

I got there and pawed through his pad, through his stuff looking for signs of an ex-girlfriend, or serial killer-rapist objects like ropes or knives, and told him I was doing so, which he laughed at. When I figured out that "Jim" was just a normal dude, I settled down some and so, we watched TV, flirted, ate take-out, and just chilled. Things got a bit hot and heavy there for a bit, it was all good in the hood as we kept it PG-13, and when I walked to the train, I thought things over. "Jim" was nice but I wasn't quite convinced that he was for me. He had a Masters degree, but he could be a bit spacey. He was a former drug user (shudder) but didn't do any drugs now. He was once married and was now divorced. He was a Christian but not a zealot. I felt that while he wasn't perfect, there were some good vibes going on, and it seemed like neither of us was ready to jump into a relationship. All in all, things were looking up.

Then the miscommunication happened that ruined everything, but saved me from dating a guy who would have been all wrong for me in the long run.

"Jim" and I were supposed to meet on Saturday to hang out but I was busy at home, cleaning, doing errands, and trying to get my life back together, since it felt like I was coming apart at the seams. When we spoke earlier in the day, I left things tenuous, meaning I would call him if I was free that night and we would chill. I thought I had conveyed that to "Jim" but he seemed to think that we had concrete plans, which we didn't. We hadn't set up a time, place, or activity, so I thought that it was understood that if we both felt like going out, that we would do so. That is to say, going out that night was not a "given". I decided not to go out with him that night and when he didn't call me back to follow-up, I figured he didn't want to meet up after all.

In my Saturday night loneliness and boredom, I posted another anonymous ad on Craigslist, thinking that I hadn't really met the kind of guy I was looking for the first time around. I was filtering through my replies, when lo and behold, there was an e-mail from "Jim". He had replied to my second ad, not knowing that I had posted again or that the ad could have possibly been written by the same person! WTF??? Seriously, dude, I have to minus like ten points for that kind of tomfoolery.

I was shocked and surprised that he was still trolling around on Craigslist looking for chicks. Um... granted that's exactly what I was doing (minus the chick part), but geez-louise, come on now. I am conducting an imperfect experiment in dating and love, which may or may not require a vigorous search for a date on Craigslist. He...well, he was just being a player. This was a really odd coincidence. How could he have responded to another ad of mine? I couldn't shut off the thoughts that started running through my head. Maybe he dated a lot of girls at once. Maybe he was always looking for girls on Craigslist and responded to all of the ads. Maybe he was looking for another girl because I wouldn't give him some nookie. Maybe I wasn't the kind of girl he was looking for either.

I felt like I couldn't be a hypocrite and judge him for continuing to "check out the market" but then he became a little psycho-scary and the whole thing exploded right there and then. When "Jim" texted me and asked me what happened to our date, I texted him back saying that I didn't think we had concrete plans. I had tried to contact him via Facebook to let him know I didn't want to go out. I did tell him that I was sorry (I'm not a jerk, after all) and that it was due to a lack of communication on my part, but he wouldn't let it go. He kept harping on it and harping on it, and making me feel like an ass. Granted, I deserved some flack, but not a boatload of it. When "Jim" started being really abusive, that's when I stopped answering his texts. No reply. Delete.

The next day we talked for a bit and tried to go over what happened. Neither of us wanted to be cruel (we had swapped spit after all), so I apologized profusely for being a flake and he apologized profusely for being mean. He did admit that he had been drinking a lot, by himself that night, which is why he was such a jerk. (Minus a point.) Nobody likes a mean drunk. We talked about possibly getting together again in a non-committal way, but really both of us were just looking for an out. He mentioned his religion and how he really wanted to focus on that and didn't want to get involved with anyone. I told him I had a vile, incurable disease that made it difficult for me to have a relationship with anyone ever. We both agreed to let things go and we're still Facebook friends but we don't talk anymore. Scratch that - I'm defriending him. No reply. Delete.

I think I've learned my lesson. Next time, I'll call a person to let him or her know I won't show up, even if it's a tenuous meet-up. Oh, and I'm also going to stop trolling for dates on Craigslist.

No comments:

Post a Comment